


Trying

by philaetos



Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [1]
Category: Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Carry On Countdown (Simon Snow), M/M, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, penny and baz are amazing friends, simon’s doing better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27712274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philaetos/pseuds/philaetos
Summary: Part of the Carry On CountdownDay 1 - Found Family
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2030371
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Trying

**Simon**

I stir in bed as I wake up, a soft moan escaping my lips. As I rub my eyes in an attempt to make them less foggy with sleep, yawning, I hear voices from the next room -the walls are thin as paper in this flat.

“...been making progress,” Penny says. 

The second voice brings a smile to my lips. Deeper than mine, all round vowels and perfectly pronounced words, and much less cold than it used to be. His voice. Baz’s voice. “He has. He ate his entire plate for lunch, without me pushing him to do so. He even had breakfast this morning. He _made_ breakfast this morning. You should have seen him. He looked so proud when he served me this egg he cooked.”

It’s true, I was proud.

Baz has been making food for me constantly in the past few months, so when I woke up this morning feeling like I could actually do something productive, I decided to make breakfast for Baz and I. I didn’t go for anything complicated, just the thought of looking for a pancake recipe made my head hurt, but Baz seemed glad about the fried egg. 

Baz seems glad about all the little things I do, lately. He smiles when he sees I’ve put on jeans, or just changed my shirt instead of wearing the same shirt and trackies for days on end, but he doesn’t make me feel shitty when I don’t change. He always makes sure to tell me I smell good when he sees I’ve taken a shower, pressing his nose in the crook of my neck as he wraps his arms around me from behind, but he doesn’t shy away from me when I haven’t washed in two or three days. His eyes shine proudly when I tell him I’m going for a walk, but he doesn’t force me to go out when I stay on the couch or in bed all day. 

Overall, he’s amazing to me, even if it makes me feel bad that he considers those little things to be things he should be proud of me for doing. It’s just _normal._ Baz takes a shower every day. Baz changes his clothes every day. Baz goes out on most days, and even when he doesn’t, he’s isn’t just moping in one place. 

I used to be like that too, once.

I’m trying to be like that again.

“I noticed he’s also been leaving the flat more. Do you know what he does when he’s outside? I asked but he says he just walks around.”

“Then I suppose he just walks around. I recall he didn’t like being stuck in our room, back at Watford. Well, maybe it was because I was there.” It was “But still, he spent a lot of time just wandering the grounds. I think he simply enjoys being outside. Not all of us are hermits, Bunce,” Baz says, and I can practically see the smirk on his face. 

“Fuck right off, Basilton.”

That makes me chuckle. I’m glad they’re friends now. They’ve grown closer and closer over all this time the three of us spent here together. Baz didn’t officially live here until 6 months ago, but it was as good as. He came every day after uni, stayed the night when I didn’t push him away.

Pushing Baz away.

That was a terrible mistake. He’s one of the best things that ever happened to me, and I almost lost him because of how badly I treated him, growing distant, refusing his touch, blaming him for wanting to hold my hand or kiss me when Penny used to practically need to spell us apart. 

I remember what the moment it clicked into place was. The moment when I realized that Baz was slipping through my fingers and that if I didn’t put myself together, I’d lose him, one of the only people who ever truly cared. It was when I heard him, _saw him_ , in Las Vegas, with that bastard of a vampire. He seemed more relaxed, more carefree than he ever was around me, because he didn’t have to pay attention to every minute thing he did and said to be sure he wouldn’t upset me. He could just… have a good time.

I wanted him to be able to have a good time _with me_. 

I hear Penny and Baz starting to banter, so I decide to go join them. It’s rather funny, looking at them bicker. 

I get out of bed, putting on those ridiculous bunny slippers Shepard bought me. Bought _us_ ; we all have a pair of those, his are green, mine are yellow, Penny’s purple and Baz’s pink, -needless to say he never wears them. Then, I head to the living room. 

Penny and Baz go silent when I arrive, but not in a bad way, not in a way that makes me feel like they’re hiding things from me like they used to when they talked about me with worry in their voice and sadness written all over their faces. 

“Hey, losers,” I greet them as I collapse on the sofa next to Baz, my arm on the headrest behind him. 

“You’re the only loser here, Snow,” he shoots back immediately, his hand sliding up to rest on my thigh.

A year ago, that would have been impossible. Both the teasing and the touching. A year ago, if he’d called me a loser, even jokingly, it would have made me withdraw, and I would have started doubting whether or not he truly meant it. A year ago, if he’d touched my thigh just like that, without asking before, I would have recoiled and started feeling overwhelmed. 

A year ago, I wouldn’t have cuddled up to him a bit more like I’m doing now, kicking his leg playfully before drawing my feet up on the sofa.

“I can’t believe you still wear those silly slippers,” Penny comments, giving me a skeptical look through her glasses.

“Shep is very happy that I wear them, mind you. He’s my mate, Penny, I have to make him happy,” I answer very solemnly, which makes her smile and makes Baz scoff.

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” he says.

I ignore him. “Speaking of Shepard, is he taking you home before dinner or will you two eat here?”

They don’t usually stay here for meals, now that they have their own flat, but they do dine with us sometimes, when Baz is feeling like cooking for more than just the both of us, and I’m feeling like being a decent human being who has dinner around a table and not half lying on a sofa or not at all.

“We were planning on going home, but if we’re invited here, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. It’s his turn to cook tonight.”

“You’re invited then!” I say before I can overthink it and chicken out. 

It’s not a big deal, it’s just Penny and Shepard. I don’t even have to make anything fancy, I’m sure they’d be fine with pasta and some sauce.

Baz rests his chin on my shoulder, his breath brushing the side of my face as he asks, surprise in his voice “You want to have people over?”

“It’s not ‘people’, it’s Shep and Penny, and yes I do. But, uh, I’ll need your help. You know, to cook. You know that stuff better than I do.”

“What about we all cook?” Penny suggests as she looks down at her phone where she’s typing a message for Shepard. “Basil finds something to make with what you two have in the kitchen and then we all work on it? We get to spend time together and Baz can even make fun of us for how bad we are in a kitchen.”

“Suddenly, I’m interested in helping,” Baz says patting my thigh before he stands up. “Come on, I want to see Bunce cry her eyes out cutting onions.”

She throws a pillow at him, and then there’s a second of hesitation before the three of us burst out laughing at the same time.

I feel a warm feeling spread inside of me as I hear Penny’s loud, funny laugh and see Baz’s shoulders shake. 

It feels so good to be with them, to have fun with them, after everything. After all the times I almost lost them.

I’m so glad they stayed, despite all the reasons I gave them to leave.


End file.
